I’m finally home for good. Technically, I’m home on “terminal leave” until September 1, which is my last day in the Army. I was really hoping they could change my orders to Sept. 8 so I could fulfill exactly 4 years of my 6 year contract, but it just wasn’t to be. The Army is medically retiring me with a 90% disability rating, resulting from the injuries I received that horrible evening in December in Northwest Baghdad. I’m having a rough time adjusting to life at home. Not only is it a less secure environment than the one I’m used to at Walter Reed, but my body and mind still think they are in Iraq. I haven’t been able to sleep much at all, and when I do it closely mimics the convoy schedule I was on for months up until getting blown up. I lay wide awake all night until the sun comes up, until finally falling asleep (if I’m lucky) until early afternoon when we would begin prepping for our next convoy. My mind keeps going for hours on end, revisiting clear memories of Iraq. I lay in bed or on the couch watching TV for hours, even staying up for days on end trying to force myself to fall asleep but to no avail. One nice part about being heavily medicated for nearly all of the last 8 months was the ability to fall asleep whenever I wanted, but when I didn’t want to as well (usually in the middle of therapy or some important meeting regarding my future health care). I think the only way to kick this is by writing about my experiences. I have been throwing around the idea of writing a book about my experiences for quite sometime now, even long before I was ever injured. Now more than ever though, it seems necessary for my own well being and sanity to tell the story. If I tell my story I think I will finally be able to move on from my experiences and get on with my life, instead of lying in bed tossing and turning for hours on end writing the book in my head. I have no idea what sort of time line I will write on, or if/when I will publish any of it here. I have to do something if I ever want to sleep again though. Speaking of sleep, I had better try and get a couple more hours if I want to get anything done today. Its 0800 and I’ve only slept about two hours.

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